Down to the last 19 days of my paper before it is due. I am tired and annoyed at having to do this day in and day out. Why am I working so hard to make this good when my advisor doesn't respond to calls, emails, or requests for feedback? I was about to pack it up and sleep except I happened to glance at some classmates FB pictures. Those particular pictures were of UH's graduation last year. In it were Twiddle Dee, Twiddle Dumb, Twiddle Dumber, Wingus, Dingus, Doofus, and Curly and the gang... all with leis! Every single one of them graduated before I did and with decent GPAs.
I am constantly struggling against indoctrinated and normalized complacency. It's like being Sisyphus rolling the rock uphill against against gravity, like trying to fight the effects of entropy. Complacency is like natural law, like Newton's 1st law. That's why I moved away and that's why in grad school I stayed up longer, worked harder, and did more work than what was required or ever encouraged at UH. It still annoys me to no end that Dingus and the gang will have the same degree and same GPA that I will have. It is utterly grating that complacency is rewarded. Utterly grating and utterly motivating. I will run from this my entire life; I will not die a fat, stupid, lazy, unmotivated, unaffected, untalented, myopic person.
I might die pessimistic, cynical, and bitter.... but at least none of those other things.
Now I'm getting off my high horse and getting back to work.
Tally:
67 pages typed/retyped
42 survived editing/outright elimination
96 studies read
48 cited
95% Working draft completed
28% Revised draft completed
0% Final draft completed
3 Emails promising feedback
2 Pat-on-the-back emails from advisor
0 Calls to Advisor returned
0 Advisor Feedback
17 days left
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